Discuss these 10 Important Issues Before Marriage
It doesn’t mean you have to get married just because you may be in love. It’s all butterflies and rainbows for the first couple of years in many relationships, but that all changes overtime. At some point the Reality sets in and the infatuation fades away.
Does his sense of humor make his $160,000 of student loan debt worth it? Is her nice body worth living in Alaska when you’ve always wanted to live in Texas?
Your life will change over time and there’s a lot more to consider when finding the right person who’s going to be in your life for years to come. A long talk before marriage can help and eventual transformation from infatuation to a deeper love and prevent challenges later in life.
Talk about these issues with your significant other before getting married:
1. Where will you live? You spend most of your time in and around your home so it’s important to decide on the location. Do you want to stay in the country or the city? Is it best to live in a house or a condo? Do you want to live close to family or in another state with just the two of you? Are you both on the same page? Where you live may have a big impact on your life, but the only way to know for certain is to have a conversation about it.
2. How you divide household chores? Who cooks, cleans, and takes out the trash? Will there be a division of Labor by sexual orientation? Will the man change the oil in the cars, mow the lawn, take the dog for a walk, and do household repairs? Will the woman wash the dishes, wash the clothes, and cook dinner? Will everything be split down the middle depending on what you each enjoy doing? Either way there isn’t a right or wrong answer here, but it helps if you both agree on what works best for you both.
3. How much financial debt do you each have? Financial issues are one of the most common marital challenges and reasons for divorce. Are you both going to be responsible for your own debt? How prepared are you to deal with your future spouses’ debt and how willing are they to deal with your debt? What type of plan needs to be put in place, so you both become debt free?
4. Do either or both of you want children? If so, how many do you want to have? If your answers are not the same, you will face some difficult challenges ahead. Never assume that your future partner will change their mind to appease you in the future.
5. Friends. Some people like to have separate time with their friends away from their spouse. Others don’t trust their spouse to be out with friends that are of the opposite sex, so they make it a point to befriend anyone their spouse knows. It’s up to you to decide if you will both be free to spend time with your separate friends.
6. Finances. Some people like to spend their money as soon as they get it while others like to save for a rainy day. It will be difficult for a couple who don’t agree on how their money should be managed in the long run. Make a plan that works for the both of you when it comes to enjoying the fruits of your labor now and for the future.
7. Bank accounts. Will you decide to have separate or joint accounts. The rule of thumb is to have three accounts. A joint account to pay bills and you each have your own personal accounts. Decide how you will use the joint account and who will pay for what? Will the one who makes the most money pay the greater percentage of the bills, or will everything be split down the middle 50/50? You may decide later to have a joint savings account when setting money aside to buy big ticket items like a house, a car, a boat, or go on vacation.
8. Religion. There may be different religions to consider. If this is the case, will you go to separate churches or choose to convert from one religion to another? One person may be serious about participating in church services every week, while the other may not be interested in going to church at all.
9. Sexual appetite. Do you have similar sexual appetites when it comes to style and frequency? Most marriages would say frequency, however there are some that dabble into different styles. It’s important to discuss both of these matters before marriage.
10. Cleanliness. A neat person will find it very challenging to live with someone who is messy. It’s best to work out these issues beforehand so there aren’t any surprises, especially if one of you is OCD and the other is carefree.
Discuss these issues before deciding to commit yourself for the rest of your lives. Do everything you can to ensure that you’re capable of making each other happy for years to come. Marriage is a remarkable thing, but you can make it a headache if you go into the situation unprepared and without all the information you need to make a sound decision.
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