How to Start Dating Intentionally and Slowly
Today’s dating is pretty fast paced when it comes to the modern dating scene. There are a lot of swiping on dating apps and let’s not forget the hookup culture. Would this norm set in place; one may feel old fashioned when thinking of slowing down the dating process.
When you intentionally date slowly there’s less pressure on you and your date to race to the next level. This gives you the opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level, so your relationship is not solely based off of the superficial.
When you take the time to get to know someone it’s possible that the connection between you two will die out. You may feel like you wasted your time, but it’s really a sign of you paying attention at how compatible you are with that person. You would never be able to find this out in the attraction stage because Of the influence your judgment has because it’s full of endorphins.
Follow these tips to date intentionally and slowly:
1. Decide what your dating objective is. Knowing what your goal is beforehand will help you make a decision with how you want to form your dating experience. Do you want to date slowly just to see what happens? Are you trying to learn what you like so you date different types of people? Are you ready to find a lifelong partner and settle down ending in marriage?
2. Get to know your values. These are the things that guide you through life and that keep you on the straight and narrow so you can sleep well at night. You may want to think about writing down what things are important to you and see if your potential mate align with the same values you have.
- What are your non negotiables?
- What dealbreakers do you have?
- What characteristics do you want your partner to possess?
3. Try to make it to date 2 before passing judgment. The opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level is the best part of dating slowly. First impressions do matter but try a second date just in case they were nervous they were nervous. This will also give you the opportunity to notice any red flags that you missed in the first date, therefore validating your reason not to see them again.
- Pay attention to how this person interacts with staff.
- Listen to how they communicate with you.
- Pay more attention to how compatible they are over the chemistry you have. This will show you how well this person would align with your everyday life over a longer period of time.
4. Be transparent about your expectations. You don’t have to start planning a wedding right away or picking children’s names out on the first date. But if you’re dating goal is to end up in a relationship that leads to marriage and having children, have a discussion about that before making a commitment past the dating stage.
5. Build a genuine connection with your date through curiosity. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions over a series of dates. These dates don’t necessarily have to be spread out over time. It is proven that a person trusts you more when you take them on multiple dates in one day. You may start out having a drink at one place, going to dinner at another, then going out dancing. Use these moments to see if this is the person for you. For example,
- What are you most grateful about?
- Tell me your life story in 5 minutes.
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- Describe your idea of a perfect weekend getaway.
- Tell me about your biggest accomplishment.
6. Show up for the date with intention. To date intentionally you have to put forward the effort and find someone who also matches your effort. Find someone who is consistent about the way they communicate, show up for you, and match your energy when it comes to being attentive. When you’re on these dates, spend quality time getting to know the other person, so if possible, put away your phones and enjoy the time spent.
Making the decision to date slowly gives you the time to see how someone fits in your daily life. You get to know a person on a different level that shows how respectful they are, if they have similar lifestyle choices, if they share your same values, and if they have personal goals that they’re trying to pursue. This person doesn’t have to be perfect, but they should be able to fit into your life without any complications.
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