The Importance of Taking Time Between Relationships
After a breakup, your friends are usually the first people to give you conflicting advice. Some of them will urge you to get back out there and others will tell you about how bad the dating scene is at the moment.
Research suggests, if you just got out of a healthy relationship, there’s no harm in jumping right back in the dating pool to find another connection. However, if you’re past relationship was toxic and you want to change some of your relationship patterns, it’s always best to take a step back, so you can invest in yourself and then find the love you desire.
Consider these concepts for when you’re between partners and taking time to reflect.
Advantages of Taking Time Between Relationships:
1. Clarify your priorities. Being single gives you the time to think about what you do and don’t want from your next relationship. Identify the qualities that mean the most to you, like kindness, positive outlook on life, and intelligence. That way when it comes to the nonessentials, you’ll be willing to compromise in those areas.
2. Move forward. You might have to deal with past experiences that still affect your current behavior. Do you notice patterns of conflict that you’ve had with different partners? It may be something you have to close the chapter on from your childhood. Why do you push people away? Is that what you were taught as a child? Are you mirroring your parents? Is this a form of self-preservation? Do you self-sabotage as a way to protect yourself from being hurt? Whatever it is, deal with it so it won’t ruin your next attempt at lasting love.
3. Increase your resources. After you get over the initial shock of ending a relationship, you’ll have a greater ability for conquering obstacles. Toxic relationships take up a lot of your time and energy, so learn how to better prepaid yourself when facing situations that are draining to your mental health. Focus on how you can use your time to accomplish personal goals, so there’s less time to devote to someone who’s damaging to your success.
4. Recognize your options. It’s normal to be drawn to familiar patterns. This doesn’t mean you have to always go for that type. Taking a break gives you the opportunity to explore alternative options. It may be time for you experience new and interesting things and people you may have overlooked before. Try something new and see how it feels to step outside the box.
5. Value solitude. Are you someone who’s uncomfortable with being alone? Do you have abandonment issues? Learning how to love yourself and become your own best friend or hype man is the best way to combat being lonely. Once you see that spending time alone is great, you won’t be so quick to jump into something you know isn’t right for you, just because you don’t want to be alone.
Suggestions of what to Do Between Relationships:
1. Connect with loved ones. Sometimes being in a relationship will cause you to neglect your friends and family because you’re so invested in your partner. Now that you are free from that relationship, connect with friends and see how they feel about your absence. Ask for their advice and if you can continue to have their support moving forward. Keep that bond with them and build that relationship, so it remains solid.
2. Pursue your passions. Hobbies improve your life and make you more attractive when you decide to get out there again. You don’t want to be that person who does and aren’t interested in anything. Do something that makes you laugh hard and have the time of your life. Play a sport, go dancing, or attend festivals. Whatever your thing, go have fun and always be unapologetically you.
3. Continue educating yourself. Build your credentials and knowledge base. Sign up for an online course with someone who’s already doing what you love to do, so you can get a head start on how to accomplish it. Read books on the things that interest you and expand your knowledge on elements in your life that will push you to do great things.
4. Spoil yourself. Catering to your physical and emotional needs are your main priority after a breakup. In addition to eating well and exercising regularly, treat yourself to a few things that you normally wouldn’t. Have a spa day; get a facial and full body massage. Go shopping for some new clothes and shoes. Make a day of fun activities that make you feel stress free and enjoy the moment.
5. Serve others. Taking care of others will distract you from your troubles and increase your self-esteem. Doing something nice for someone less fortunate is a great way to pay it forward and clear your mind from life issues. Clean out your closet and donate some items to charity. Go by your local youth or community center and volunteer for a class of your liking.
6. Advance your career. You may have dropped the ball a few days when you were distracted by your last relationship. Now you can start to show initiative at work and go for that raise or higher position. Improve your skillset by joining groups, taking online courses, and picking the brains of gurus who can give you a blueprint to follow.
7. Date yourself. Don’t be afraid to take this time to date yourself and set the tone for how you want to be treated moving forward. When you date yourself, you build your standards. If the next person can’t live up to what you’ve done for yourself, don’t date them, keep enjoying your time and freedom. Take yourself out to eat at nice place, or order in and watch movies all night.
Get a room at a nice hotel and make reservations for their restaurant, visit their spa, reserve a poolside cabana, and have a nightcap at the bar. Keep your hair and nails done, so you can feel good about your appearance. Be kind and give yourself grace when you need it. Practice self-care on a daily basis and treat yourself like you’d want your next partner to treat you. Build yourself up and enjoy life on your own terms.
8. Plan your return. Don’t just enter the dating scene all willy nilly, create a strategy plan so you can return with a purpose. Put goals in place so you won’t waste your time on nonsense and build up toward something meaningful. It can be a goal as simple as creating an online dating profile, making rules that filter out those who don’t align with your endgame, or meeting potential mates for an early lunch every other Saturday. Whatever you choose to do, stick to the plan, and don’t settle.
Romantic relationships can either hold you back or contribute to your personal growth. If you’ve been through a difficult break up, take time to yourself, so you can heal in a healthy manner. Use said time to make positive changes that will help with attracting a supportive partner and developing a loving relationship. It’s all about being with someone who shares the same interests as you, so you don’t have to compromise much of who you are during the process of the relationship.
To get more information about self-care, click here to check out our course Walk Away From Abuse Without Losing Yourself.
